I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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