Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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