This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
