I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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