yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
