the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
