i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
