The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
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