i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
if only i could text you this smell
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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