Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
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You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
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My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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