Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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