my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
