I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
