hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
