Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
