she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You pole danced in your parka.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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