Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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