Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
