You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
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I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
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What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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