how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
