Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
