Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
