Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize