I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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