She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
