so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize