dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
