Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
