My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
