You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
