just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Hippo gnu deer
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
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The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
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He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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