a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
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We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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