I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
