thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I enjoy the company of your penis
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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