Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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