So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
