You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
