Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

(303): View more from Colorado

Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

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(703): View more from Virginia

we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.

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(812): View more from Indiana

You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch

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(740): View more from Ohio

I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?

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(713): View more from Texas

Did he pick you up in a mini van?

(281): View more from Texas

Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy

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