I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
