grandma shit on top of the toilet
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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