It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I have aggressive nipples.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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