Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize