we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
