Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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