Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
