Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
