You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
