we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
