Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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