So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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