I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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