yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Boobs speak an international language.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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