Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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