it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
