I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
