If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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