my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
