Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
