i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
