yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
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For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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