your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
