There was a lot of him and a little penis
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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