in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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