I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
