Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
